These days, she said…

music: "Nishikido Ryo - Ai no Katamari"

mood:

These days, she said…

“seeing this rain makes me felt so bitter inside. the rain pours on the surface in huge amount. felt like my heart being washed away. no, it’s crying. the heart is in deep pain. I want to endure it, so everything around is ignored. why I am so sad in person? I don’t know what I want but keep regretting the past. why it holds me so much? for how long it will stay like this? am I that sad? am I that hopeless too? everything that happened makes me wonder. am I running away again?”

“chotto.. why am I so stuck in love matter. get yourself straight. I should realize other things are important as well. is it the time for change. how I wonder. life is ain’t easy right. pull yourself together. ah. shouldn’t be this way. give me some clues…”

Few minutes later, she tantrumed…

music: "Akanishi Jin - Care"

mood:

Few minutes later, she tantrumed…

“okay I admit! I want to be loved by someone. but I have no one beside me. it is not loneliness but it’s the matter of filling your heart with love. my heart has so much to contain but it is empty. when will I find that man? if it is true all of us have our own fate, why doesn’t that man appear to me now? or is it I haven’t notice if he is around? or my eyes just ignore the presence of a man? it is not that I don’t believe fate and destiny, just maybe my heart is leaking because there is too much love inside. a year has passed and I recover now? is it the right time to spend time for love now? do I have a choice? what makes me want to be loved now? don’t you think it is too fast? I have so much to offer but why now? why can’t I block this little heart for a bit longer? why I wish someone to save my heart? did I hurt so much in the past? yes, I was hurt yet now still hurting. my love lives fill with sad memories, and I still want to love and be loved again? why now? why these tiny hearts recover so much? I am so helpless. please God, I don’t want to be in pain now. not anymore. don’t let me feel this way. it’s so hard for me.”

At the moment, she whispered…

music: "News - Cherish"

mood:

At the moment, she whispered…

“this music makes my heart flatter. sounds romantic, isn’t it? whenever I feel lonely, whenever my heart need to be touch, listening to the melody isn’t so bad. my love life is not that great, my memories fill with sadness. sometimes happiness also appears. I won’t let myself be alone. I hate to see people leaving me. it looks so pathetic. though I am down, I believe miracle will always happen. not to loose faith in Him right? I want to be someone’s yet I want to stand up for that person. it's time for me to shine again...”

In few months, she noticed…

music: "Kat-tun - Angel,you are Angel"

mood:

In few months, she noticed…

“I changed so much and yet this friend of mine still remembered me. the last time we got together was so fun. lots of memories left behind yet I felt that I had changed too much. those years that I missed, the day where teenagers still be the teenagers. I am sorry dear friend but I changed a lot. did not mean that I don’t remember you, but I am not what you expected now. that girl you knew once, no more you could see. hontou ni gomen ne tomodachi! last time, this heart adore you very much. in a sense, you are very unpredictable and always being cool at couple of times. yes I like you, but it didn’t seem you feel the same way too. so I entrusting my heart to keep you as a good friend of mine. but those envy when we are together. they say we look like a happy couple. but it doesn’t seem so true. you say “we are very close, understand each other well. that is why the relationship is a good chemistry.” yes I agree. (to be continued…)”

In the mean time, she felt…

music: "News - Pain"
mood:

In the mean time, she felt…

“a pain sigh illustrates my face. inside I could feel bitterness surrounded my heart. I don’t know when since I changed to such a cold hearted girl. felt so lost and I don’t remember what I want for life. lost my senses to feel? is it I was too hurt from such guys who keep left me behind? so hurt that makes me bury the frozen icy lonely heart of mine. I wish the happiness was always with me. I often dream a prince that would chase and grab my heart forever. that dream started when I learn how to love and being in love. I drop too hard this time. I kept hiding myself in the bushes, afraid to face life. it was not right to be like this; therefore in a slow pace I try to seek the lost smile that was mine before. during the finding, I shall face a lot of obstacles and might reject the one who fall me in the future. so I left a scarlet letter to rewrite the dream that lead towards the key to open my heart. if he was so lucky, he will understand me before I run too far. The letter shall begin like this;

“Oh someone there, I always hope the one will notice is someone who treasure me because I am special to him. I wish the one could love me without hesitate about the love I had for him. sincerity and trustworthy are what I seek. no matter how far we are apart, the love should not be faded away. both of us should tolerate and help each other to protect the love we had. I was full of symbolic thoughts in my characteristic. long ago, I had the seventh ring on my fingers but later one by one lost nowhere to be found. And two was left. it resembles the love memories during my childhood days till I was grown up to an early stage of adulthood. in my heart, how I wish if the one could replace the ring I had with the new ring from him. I don’t care if he does not spend luxury things during my birthday or anniversary. just went out together for fun should be enough. maybe it sounds so childish but that what I wish for. sometimes love is so childish right. am I not worth or is it not enough to be treasure. I wonder why…”

sleeps.

After few awhile, she wondered…

music: "Arashi - We Can Make It"

mood:

After few awhile, she wondered…

“if my love is not worth for him, then I should let the love fade. if I was a burden to him, then I just shouldn’t stay. that day when he left me it rains heavily. how I wish mr rain could washed away the love I had for him. regretting. half say yes half say no. it’s killing me. that fond memories can’t never be gone too easily. somehow I should not show my weakness point when I face him. though its hard, lets live our life to the fullest from now on. I whisper to myself “fighting ne!” to that person, may you find happiness. ill pray everything will turn out wonderful. I don’t mean to hate you. deep inside I cant never hate you. because your smile always shines me from afar. suki desu.”

“hold a minute. why am I being so nice. do I engrave my bitterness deep down inside. I wonder why am I being like this. god knows of course. but I don’t understand the meaning of it. somehow I just couldn’t answer it myself”

After few years, she said…

music: "News - I.Za.Na.I.Zu.Ki."

mood:

After few years, she said…

“but why I feel emptiness is all around. looks like I am the only one fighting. his appearance seems so blurry. the love seems to fade away. my curiosity arouses, I was numb for awhile. thinking and thinking and thinking. it’s not true right. this is not happening yet. in my metaphor, I try to reach to his heart but my hand cant grab it tightly. it seems slip away just like that. is this really happening. why the sudden change. does his heart change. my heart rebels, feeling unsafe. then…tik tok tik tok…time waste too much. the confession arrive unexpectedly. my heart stop beating. no. my love inside me frozen. my mind thinking hard. I pretend to be as usual and ignore the facts that I just heard. but then he left me while im standing there speechless. didn’t look back and walk straight away. where does the love go? I feel so depressed. then I cried. try to keep my sadness away from everyone. yet I cant hide it for so long. I wish it will never happen to me. wish I could work hard for my love life. always be love and never be left behind. how many times does love break my heart. but I still keep on moving. one say “u cant block your heart from love. love will come when it wants.” but does it come at the right time, right place or is it the right person. how do you choose and accept.”

Few years back, she was told…

music: "News - Yume no Kazu Dake Ai ga Umareru"

mood:

Few years back, she was told…

“love has to be expressed openly. who will know if you keep it in your heart? what's the difference between saying it and keeping it in your heart? it's different, no matter how much you praise that person, that person will eventually want to hear it. some may say it's so childish but people are born to be childish.”

“Let's love like we've never been hurt before
Let's dance like no one is praising us
Let's love like we've never been hurt before
Let's sing like no one is listening to us
Let's work like we don't need money for it
Let's live like today is the doomsday
To tell you the truth, I want be like that as well
Pretend that I've never been hurt before, as I want to seriously love one more time
But since the ending has become like this, I really wanted to change the article
If you don't want to get hurt then don't fall in love”

she says “I always dream if he could say it from his true heart, and afterwards express it sincerely again to me.”

Few years back, she said…

music: "News - Love Song"

mood:

Few years back, she said…

“love sometimes is tiresome. but love keep the best of me. at the moment I will show the greatest form of me. loving someone makes me strong everyday. but it didn’t last for long. the love just died. as time flows, seems it took all of me away. nothing is left inside. I am still myself just feel heartless sometime. but the mind tells the heart not to be disappeared. fight my own sadness. yet feel blue when something I did makes me remembered him. that wonderful smile keeps me adore him more and more. though first I feel distract when he keeps running to me. chasing me for care. I didn’t think it seriously. being in love in disguise? I accept him in my life because somehow in a way I feel he is attractive. but later I am not sure when i fall for him. when the loves grow.i don't notice it clearly. but i know. like when u want to plant a flower, u water the seed to make it grow. provide it good sunshine and keep it with utmost care. that is love to me...”